The Difference Between Anger and Self-Talk

Have you often gone through that phase when you have ruined a situation just because you were not able to control your anger? It often happens with most of us when we are in a professional meeting and the other person is arguing with us over baseless facts.

But what if you were able to control your anger in that situation? Would the outcome be in your favor? It would be right. What if we told you you can control your anger through positive self-talks, self-talk thoughts and self-talk phrases?

Keep reading to find out how controlling anger can become easy through mindfulness and Positive self-talk for controlling anger.

Mindfulness and Positive Self-talk to win-over Anger:

Nothing works better than positive self-talk and mindfulness to control your anger. Most people cannot control their anger in situations which need to be handled thoroughly and with a cool mind. This is often because the reason for their aggression is something else.

Anger is often triggered by emotions that are underlying at the back of the mind such as shame, guilt, hurt etc. These may be linked to other conditions such as depression and anxiety. In many cases, a person becomes aggressive because of loneliness or when their personal boundaries are violated.

Such anger can affect your decision-making. When you feel that you have become an aggressive person all of a sudden or gradually, try to recognize the reason why. Have you lost a loved one recently, or have been hurt by someone dear? If you can analyze what may have made you aggressive then you can work on controlling your anger through mindfulness and self-talk.

Those who know about mindfulness meditation are aware of how it is the best thing you can do for yourself. Mindful meditation helps you calm your brain which regulates emotions. Once you start doing mindful meditation you will notice that your angry outbursts are becoming less common.

Mindfulness will help your feelings to rise and pass and you would not feel the need to hold on to them or judge them. Meanwhile, positive self-talk will help you calm and control your anger. Self-talk is basically telling yourself to calm down and come out of aggression. So if you feel you need to do something about your anger then control your anger by self-talk.

10+ Positive Self-talk to Control your Anger

Here are some positive examples of self-talk that will help you control your anger in 2023:

  1. It is not worth getting so angry so I am going to let this go.
  2. I can go through this situation.
  3. I can control my feelings and my aggression.
  4. I just need to breathe and calm down.
  5. I do not have to take anything personally.
  6. Letting it go will be the best possible thing.
  7. I can do better than this.
  8. I can keep calm and carry on.
  9. I do not have to rush to a judgment.
  10. It is okay to feel angry but what counts is how I handle this situation.
  11. I can control my anger.
  12. In the end, it is going to be worth it.
  13. I can do better than this.

10 Easy Tips for Controlling Your Anger by Self Talk

The above examples of positive self-talk are sufficient to give an idea of what magic it can do. But how to control our anger through self-talk? The below ten tips would help you control your anger by positive self-talk effectively:

1. Positive Self-talk for anger

Using positive statements like I do not have to feel angry for such a small thing or I just need to calm down would help you let go of a negative emotion like anger. Whenever you feel angry you need to tell yourself that you need to let it go and remain calm.

Statements like I can choose not to get angry or why don’t I remain calm and be a better person would show miraculous results. Try for yourself and see the positive outcomes.

2. Take a deep breath

When you feel angry, after using positive self-talk, you must take a deep breath to relax yourself. Deep breathing is a well-researched technique that helps you calm down when you are anxious, agitated or angry.

It has worked for many people in situations when one would become furious, so it would definitely work for you.

3. Countdown

Another way to control your anger in a difficult situation is to start a countdown. While you are counting you will be cooling down your anger as well. The technique may sound silly but it works very well.

Think about it as you are counting till the time when you will cool down and all your focus will be on the counting while you forget what you were angry about.

4. Relax your Muscles

When a person is angry, he or she often has cramped muscles as they are in distress. You must relax your muscles by gently massaging your neck or doing relaxing movements,

For some people meditation works best for others practicing some yoga exercises would help. You shall find what helps relax your muscles as well as your mind and should practice that.

5. Repeat a Mantra

Repeating a mantra falls under meditation and is very helpful in controlling anger. When you repeat something like I can control my anger for like 100 times you will actually believe it and start practicing it.

So if you think you have uncontrollable anger you need to repeat a mantra that you want to practice.

6. Stretching

If you feel you are feeling angry and you won’t be able to control yourself the best way is to do some stretching. For deep-rooted anger issues also, professionals recommend indulging in physical exercise so that the person takes their anger out on the gym and not on humans.

You can do some stretching or exercise daily and you feel a great difference in yourself.

7. Play some tune

Music is a great mood lifter. You can choose to play a calming tune or music when you are feeling angry and you will soon see a difference in your mood. Most people have used this tip to control their anger in different situations.

However, it works best when you know what kind of music will lift your moss and calm you down. Wrong choice of music can make things worse.

8. Stop Talking

One of the best tips that anyone could give you is to stop talking when you are angry because all you are going to say in aggression would make things worse. If the other person is speaking, let them speak. You remain quiet and calm yourself down first before uttering anything.

If you will practice this, whatever you will say when you will be calm would be meaningful and wise.

9. Talk to a Friend

If you are unable to deal with your anger alone, you shall talk to a friend whom you can trust. Tell them what you are going through and you are unable to control your anger in most situations.

Sometimes seeking professional help is what you need but you need someone to say it to you. Talking to a wise friend would help you make a positive decision for yourself. There are many anger management classes that could help you control your anger effectively.

10. Laugh

Ever heard of laughter therapy? If you haven’t then it is when you start laughing when you feel angry. Laughing out loud helps you control your anger in situations when you feel furious over something or someone. Laughter therapy of course needs practice but works well in controlling your anger.

Some Examples of Angry thoughts and their alternative self-talk

Examples of Angry Thoughts

  • He was late and wasted my whole day.
  • I have been standing in this line for such a long time in this scorching heat. I can’t do it anymore.
  • I can’t stand how disrespectful you are.

Alternative Self-talks

  • It is not worth getting angry. He might have his reasons.
  • Everybody else is also waiting and it is not such a big thing to get angry about so I can wait a little longer.
  • As a bigger person, I should let it go.

Examples of Should Thinking and their alternative self-talks

Examples of should thinking

  • He should be on time.
  • Things should be done my way.
  • The result should be in my favour.

Alternative self-talk

  • It is not necessary that everybody is punctual. He might have his own reasons to be late.
  • It is not right to think everyone will act the way I want.
  • It is okay if I do not get what I want.

Examples of thinking in extremes and their alternative self-talk

Examples of thinking extremes

  • My friend is an idiot.
  • This is all bullshit.

Alternative self-talk

  • My friend is a little slow.
  • It doesn’t make sense to me but others may have perceived it differently.


Controlling your anger through self-talk is very important in your personal as well as professional life. Nobody wants to work or live with a person who has anger issues which is why it is important that you learn to control your anger before it’s too late.

Aner often occurs in people due to underlying reasons like loneliness, not being able to forgive something or someone, grieving over someone or something, etc. You must learn to forgive and be gentle with yourself.

You must understand what makes you so angry so that you can come up with tips to prevent getting angrier and reach the root cause of your anger.

Carlos Todd PhD LCMHC

Dr. Carlos Todd PhD LCMHC specializes in anger management, family conflict resolution, marital and premarital conflict resolution. His extensive knowledge in the field of anger management may enable you to use his tested methods to deal with your anger issues.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *