How To Control Your Anger? 10 Techniques & Strategies

Anger is a universal emotion that everyone experiences at some point. It’s a natural response to feeling threatened, frustrated, or wronged.

However, when anger is uncontrolled, it can become destructive and have harmful effects on your life. 

Unchecked anger can lead to saying things you regret, yelling at your kids, threatening your coworkers, sending rash emails, developing health problems, or even resorting to physical violence. 

how to deal your anger

These reactions not only damage your relationships but also hurt your mental and physical health.

Controlling your anger doesn’t mean you should never feel angry. Instead, it involves learning how to recognize, cope with, and express your anger in healthy and productive ways. 

Understanding what triggers your anger and noticing the signs early can help you respond more calmly and constructively. It can also help you understand how to control your anger.

This way, you can avoid outbursts and handle situations better.

It’s important to understand that having anger isn’t a mental illness. However, in some cases, anger can be linked to mood disorders, substance use disorders, and other mental health conditions. 

Recognizing when anger is a symptom of a deeper issue is crucial for addressing it properly.

This blog explains 10 effective techniques to manage your anger and foster healthier relationships.

10 Tips on How to Deal with Anger

ten anger management techniques

1. Acknowledge the Feeling of Anger

acknowledge the feeling of anger

The first step to control your anger immediately is to acknowledge your feelings. Recognizing and accepting that you are angry is crucial for addressing it constructively.

Denying or suppressing anger can lead to more intense outbursts or chronic stress. 

Here’s how to acknowledge your anger healthily:

  • Pause and Reflect: When you feel anger rising, take a moment to pause. Stop whatever you’re doing and give yourself a brief break. This pause helps prevent immediate reactions and lets you think about what’s happening.
  • Identify Triggers: Ask yourself what triggered your anger. Understanding the cause can help you address the root issue rather than just the symptoms. Triggers can be specific events, people, or internal thoughts and memories.
  • Label the Emotion: Clearly labeling your emotion as “anger” helps you gain control over it. Say to yourself, “I am feeling angry because…” This simple act of naming the emotion can reduce its intensity and make it more manageable.
  • Accept the Anger: Understand that anger is a natural and normal emotion. It’s okay to feel angry. Accepting this emotion without judgment helps reduce the stress of feeling like you shouldn’t be angry.
  • Notice Physical Signs: Pay attention to how your body reacts when angry. Common signs include a racing heart, clenched fists, or tense muscles. Recognizing these physical cues early can help you manage your response.
  • Express Yourself Calmly: Once you’ve acknowledged your anger, find a calm way to express it. Use “I” statements to communicate your feelings without blaming others. For example, “I feel angry when…” This approach promotes understanding and reduces defensiveness in others.
  • Reflect on Outcomes: Consider the potential outcomes of expressing your anger. Ask yourself if your reaction will help resolve the issue or make it worse. This reflection can guide you towards more constructive responses.

By taking these steps to acknowledge your anger, you can gain better control over your emotions and respond in healthier and more effective ways. This process not only helps manage anger, but also improves your overall emotional intelligence and relationships.

2. Identify your Anger Triggers

Understanding what triggers your anger is a crucial step in controlling it effectively. Triggers are specific events, situations, or even thoughts that provoke anger. 

By identifying these triggers, you can better address the underlying needs that are not being fulfilled, leading to healthier emotional responses. 

Here’s how to analyze and manage your anger triggers:

Identify Specific Situations

  • Reflect on Recent Anger: Think back to recent instances when you felt angry. Identify the specific situations, people, or events that triggered your anger.
  • Note Patterns: Look for patterns or common themes in these situations. This can help you understand recurring triggers and address them proactively.

Understand Unmet Needs

  • Basic Needs: Sometimes, anger arises from unmet basic needs such as hunger, fatigue, or physical discomfort. Ensure your basic needs are consistently met to reduce anger triggers.
  • Emotional Needs: Anger can also stem from unmet emotional needs like respect, appreciation, or security. Identify which emotional needs are not being fulfilled in the triggering situations.

Analyze Underlying Beliefs

  • Core Beliefs: Your core beliefs and values can influence what triggers your anger. For example, if you value fairness, perceived injustices can trigger anger.
  • Expectations: Unmet expectations can also be a significant trigger, whether of yourself or others. Reflect on whether your expectations are realistic and communicate them.

Explore Past Experiences

  • Historical Triggers: Past experiences, especially childhood ones, can shape current anger triggers. Identify if certain situations remind you of unresolved past issues.
  • Emotional Baggage: Addressing and processing these past experiences can help reduce their impact on your current anger triggers.

Recognize Physical Signs

  • Body’s Response: Pay attention to how your body reacts in triggering situations. Physical signs like a racing heart, clenched fists, or muscle tension can be early indicators of anger.
  • Awareness: Increased awareness of these physical signs can help you recognize anger early and manage it before it escalates.

Coping Strategies

  • Problem-Solving: Work on practical solutions once you identify your triggers and unmet needs. This might involve setting boundaries, improving communication, or seeking support.
  • Healthy Outlets: Find healthy outlets for your anger, such as anger management exercises, creative activities, or talking to a trusted friend.

3. Implement Relaxation Techniques

apply relaxation techniques

Relaxation techniques are practical tools for controlling anger by calming the mind and body.

These techniques help reduce the physiological arousal associated with anger, making it easier to think clearly and respond calmly. 

Here’s how to use various relaxation techniques:

Deep Breathing

  • Focus on Breath: Inhale deeply through your nose, letting your abdomen expand fully, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this process several times to lower your heart rate and relax your muscles.
  • Count Breaths: Counting each breath can help focus your mind. Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four and exhale for a count of four. This rhythmic breathing soothes the nervous system.

Imagine Peaceful Scenes

  • Visualize Calm Places: Close your eyes and picture a place that makes you feel relaxed and happy, such as a beach, a forest, or a serene garden. Engage all your senses to make the scene vivid.
  • Focus on Details: Imagine your peaceful place’s sounds, smells, and feelings. This immersion can distract you from anger and promote a sense of tranquility.

Repeat Words and Phrases to Calm Yourself

  • Use Calming Phrases: Repeat soothing words or phrases like “relax,” “let go,” or “I am calm” quietly to yourself. This can help shift your focus away from anger.
  • Mantra Repetition: Using a mantra can anchor your mind and provide stability. Choose a simple, positive phrase and repeat it slowly.

Listen to Music

  • Choose Relaxing Tunes: Listen to music that you find calming and soothing. Classical music, nature sounds, or instrumental tracks can be particularly effective.
  • Engage Fully: Focus entirely on the music, letting it wash over you. This can help divert your attention from anger and induce relaxation.

Take Notes

  • Journal Your Feelings: Writing down your thoughts and feelings when you’re angry can help you better understand your emotions. It’s a safe way to express your anger.
  • Track Triggers: Keep a log of what triggers your anger and how you respond. This can help identify patterns and develop more effective coping strategies.

Biofeedback

  • Monitor Physical Responses: Biofeedback involves using electronic devices to monitor physiological responses like heart rate and muscle tension. This feedback helps you learn to control these responses.
  • Practice Control: As you receive feedback, practice relaxation techniques to see how they affect your physiological state. This can enhance your ability to calm down during anger episodes.

Incorporating these relaxation techniques into your daily routine can significantly improve your ability to manage anger. They help create a calmer, more balanced state of mind, allowing you to respond to anger triggers healthily and constructively.

4. Use “I” Messages or Statements

Using “I” messages or statements is a powerful communication technique that can help you express your anger constructively. 

This approach shifts the focus from blaming others to expressing your feelings and needs. It fosters understanding and reduces defensiveness, making it easier to resolve conflicts. 

Here’s how to effectively use “I” statements:

  • Describe the Situation: Start by objectively describing the situation or behavior that triggered your anger. Avoid exaggeration or judgmental language, for example: “When you interrupted me during the meeting…
  • Express Your Feelings: Clearly state how the situation made you feel. Use specific emotion words like “angry,” “frustrated,” or “upset“, for example: “I felt frustrated and disrespected…
  • Explain the Impact: Describe the impact of the situation on you. This helps the other person understand the consequences of their actions, for example: “because I couldn’t finish presenting my ideas...”
  • State Your Needs or Requests: Conclude with a clear statement of what you need or a request for future behavior, for example: “I would appreciate it if you could let me finish speaking before responding.

Examples of “I” Statements

  • Workplace: “When deadlines are missed, I feel stressed because it affects our project timeline. Can we discuss how to better manage our tasks?”
  • Relationships: “When you check your phone during dinner, I feel ignored and unimportant. Can we agree to have phone-free meals?”
  • Parenting: “When you leave your toys all over the floor, I feel overwhelmed because it makes it hard to keep the house clean. Can you help by putting them away?”

Benefits of using “I” Statements

  • Improves Communication: “I” statements facilitate open and honest communication, leading to better understanding and cooperation.
  • Builds Empathy: They encourage empathy by helping others see things from your perspective.
  • Reduces Conflict: By minimizing defensiveness, “I” statements can help de-escalate conflicts and lead to more productive resolutions.

Incorporating “I” statements into your communication style can significantly improve how you deal with anger. This approach helps resolve conflicts more effectively and strengthens your relationships by fostering mutual respect and understanding.

5. Take a Timeout from the Situation

Taking a timeout from a situation is a highly effective strategy for managing anger. 

When emotions run high, a timeout can provide the necessary space to cool down, reflect, and approach the issue with a clearer mind. 

Here’s how to implement timeouts effectively:

  • Prevents Escalation: Stepping away from a heated situation can prevent anger from escalating into a full-blown argument or confrontation.
  • Promotes Self-Control: Timeouts allow you to regain control over your emotions, reducing the likelihood of saying or doing something you regret.
  • Enhances Problem-Solving: A break allows you to return to the discussion with a calmer and more rational mindset, improving the chances of finding a constructive solution.

How to Take an Effective Timeout

Recognize the Need for a Break: Pay attention to the physical and emotional signs of escalating anger, such as increased heart rate, muscle tension, or a feeling of being overwhelmed. 

These are cues that it’s time for a timeout.

  • Communicate Your Intentions: Clearly inform the other person that you need a break to cool down. Use a calm and respectful tone to avoid adding more tension to the situation, for example: “I’m feeling really upset right now. I need to take a break and we can continue this conversation in a bit.”
  • Set a Time Limit: Decide on a specific duration for the timeout, whether 10 minutes, 30 minutes, or an hour. This helps ensure the break is productive and the issue will be revisited.
  • Find a Quiet Space: Remove yourself from the immediate environment and find a quiet place to be alone. This could be a different room, a walk outside, or any space where you feel calm.
  • Engage in Calming Activities: Use relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, listening to calming music, or visualizing a peaceful scene. These activities can help lower your stress levels and clear your mind.
  • Reflect on the Situation: Take this time to reflect on what triggered your anger and how you can address it constructively. Think about your goals for the discussion and how you can communicate your feelings effectively.
  • Return and Resume: Once the timeout is over, return to the situation with a calmer and more focused mindset. Approach the conversation with a willingness to listen and find a resolution.

Benefits of Taking a Timeout

  • Reduces Immediate Tension: Timeouts help diffuse immediate tension, allowing both parties to calm down and think more clearly.
  • Encourages Thoughtful Responses: By taking a break, you give yourself time to formulate more thoughtful and less reactive responses.
  • Improves Relationship Dynamics: Regularly using timeouts can improve communication patterns and reduce the frequency and intensity of conflicts in relationships.

When to Use Timeouts

  • In Heated Arguments: Whenever a discussion becomes too intense or emotional, a timeout can help prevent things from getting out of hand.
  • Before Responding to Provocation: If you feel provoked or triggered by someone’s actions or words, a timeout can help you respond more calmly.
  • During High-Stress Situations: A timeout can provide much-needed relief in any situation where stress levels are high and patience is running low.

Incorporating timeouts into your anger management techniques can significantly improve your ability to handle anger constructively. This strategy helps in the moment and fosters better long-term communication and relationship skills.

6. Use Humor in Communication

Humor is a powerful tool for defusing tension and releasing anger. By injecting lightness and perspective into a situation, humor can help you manage conflict with grace and creativity.

  • Distracts from Anger: Humor redirects your focus away from anger-inducing thoughts and emotions, allowing you to view the situation differently.
  • Promotes Connection: Shared laughter can break down barriers and build rapport with others, fostering empathy and understanding.
  • Reduces Stress: Laughing releases endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals, which can counteract the physical effects of stress and anger.

How to Use Humor

  • Find the Right Moment: Look for opportunities to inject humor when tensions are high but not overwhelming. Choose lighthearted jokes or anecdotes that are appropriate for the situation.
  • Keep it Light: Use gentle, non-offensive humor that everyone can appreciate. Avoid sarcasm, insults, or jokes that could escalate conflict.
  • Self-Deprecating Humor: Poke fun at yourself to lighten the mood and show vulnerability. This can help disarm others and encourage them to do the same.
  • Use Playful Language: Incorporate playful language or wordplay to diffuse tension and add fun to the conversation.
  • Share Funny Stories: Share amusing anecdotes or stories that relate to the situation, helping everyone involved see the lighter side.
  • Use Props or Visuals: Props or visual aids can enhance the comedic effect and make your humor more memorable. Just ensure they are appropriate for the context.
  • Respect Boundaries: When using humor, be mindful of cultural differences, sensitivities, and personal boundaries. What’s funny to one person may not be funny to another.

Benefits of Using Humor

  • Promotes Positivity: Humor can shift the mood from negative to positive, fostering a more optimistic and collaborative atmosphere.
  • Eases Tension: Laughter acts as a natural tension reliever, making it easier to address difficult topics and find common ground.
  • Strengthens Relationships: Sharing a laugh with others creates bonds and strengthens relationships, even in challenging situations.

Incorporating humor into your approach to anger management can help you deal with conflicts more effectively and maintain healthier relationships. 

By using humor thoughtfully and respectfully, you can turn moments of tension into opportunities for connection and growth.

7. Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a powerful technique for managing anger by changing your thoughts about situations that trigger your anger. 

Challenging and reframing negative or irrational thoughts can alter your emotional response and improve your overall well-being.

  • Addresses Negative Thought Patterns: Cognitive restructuring targets the underlying beliefs and interpretations that fuel anger, helping you develop more balanced and realistic perspectives.
  • Promotes Emotional Regulation: Cognitive restructuring challenges distorted thinking patterns, helping to regulate emotions and reduce the intensity of anger reactions.
  • Enhances Problem-Solving Skills: This technique encourages a more rational and analytical approach to problem-solving, leading to more constructive responses to anger triggers.

How to Implement Cognitive Restructuring

  • Identify Automatic Thoughts: When you feel angry, pay attention to your thoughts. Notice any patterns of negative thinking or irrational beliefs that contribute to your anger.
  • Challenge Distorted Thoughts: Question the accuracy and validity of your automatic thoughts. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support them or if they are based on assumptions or cognitive distortions.
  • Generate Alternative Interpretations: Consider more balanced and realistic alternative explanations or interpretations of the situation. Look for evidence that supports these alternative perspectives.
  • Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones: Replace negative or irrational thoughts with more positive and adaptive ones. Focus on reframing the situation in a way that is empowering and constructive.
  • Practice Positive Self-Talk: Use affirmations and positive self-talk to reinforce the new thinking. Repeat affirmations that counteract negative beliefs and promote self-compassion and resilience.
  • Visualize Success: Imagine yourself responding to anger triggers calmly and composedly. Visualization techniques can help reinforce the new thought patterns and build confidence in managing anger effectively.
  • Seek Support: Share your thoughts and experiences with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Talking about your thoughts and feelings can provide validation, perspective, and support for cognitive restructuring.

Benefits of Cognitive Restructuring

  • Reduces Anger Intensity: Cognitive restructuring can reduce the intensity and frequency of anger reactions by challenging negative thought patterns.
  • Improves Emotional Regulation: This technique enhances your ability to regulate emotions and maintain composure in challenging situations.
  • Enhances Coping Skills: Cognitive restructuring builds resilience and adaptive coping skills, enabling you to target anger triggers effectively.

Incorporating cognitive restructuring into your anger management strategies can improve your ability to regulate emotions and cope with stress.

You can promote a greater sense of peace and control by challenging negative thought patterns and fostering more adaptive thinking.

8. Find Possible Solutions

When faced with anger-provoking situations, finding possible solutions is essential for resolving conflicts and addressing underlying issues constructively. 

By focusing on problem-solving rather than dwelling on anger, you can work towards positive outcomes and maintain healthier relationships. 

  • Promotes Active Engagement: Identifying possible solutions encourages proactive engagement with the underlying issues, empowering you to take control of the situation.
  • Facilitates Collaboration: Seeking solutions fosters collaboration and cooperation, creating opportunities for mutual understanding and compromise.
  • Reduces Feelings of Helplessness: Addressing problems alleviates feelings of helplessness and frustration, promoting empowerment and agency.

How to Find Possible Solutions

  • Clarify the Problem: Clearly define the problem or issue causing anger. Identify the specific aspects of the situation that need to be addressed.
  • Brainstorm Ideas: Generate a list of possible solutions or approaches to resolving the problem. Encourage creativity and open-mindedness in brainstorming sessions.
  • Evaluate Options: Assess the feasibility and potential outcomes of each solution. Consider factors such as effectiveness, practicality, and the impact on all parties involved.
  • Consider Compromise: Be willing to consider compromises or alternative solutions that meet the needs of all parties to some extent. Look for win-win outcomes whenever possible.
  • Communicate Effectively: Discuss the proposed solutions openly and respectfully with the other parties involved. Listen actively to their perspectives and be willing to negotiate.
  • Select the Best Solution: Choose the solution or combination that best addresses the underlying issues and aligns with your values and goals.
  • Develop an Action Plan: Create a plan of action outlining the steps needed to implement the chosen solution(s). Set specific goals, deadlines, and responsibilities to ensure accountability.

Benefits of Finding Solutions

  • Resolves Conflicts: Seeking solutions helps resolve conflicts and disagreements constructively, reducing tension and restoring harmony.
  • Fosters Collaboration: Collaborative problem-solving strengthens relationships and builds trust by demonstrating a commitment to mutual respect and understanding.
  • Empowers Individuals: Taking proactive steps to address problems empowers individuals to advocate for their needs and interests assertively.

By actively seeking solutions to anger-provoking situations, you can transform conflict into an opportunity for growth and positive change. By fostering collaboration, communication, and compromise, you can create mutually beneficial outcomes and conducive to healthier relationships.

9. Exercise Regularly

exercise regularly

Regular exercise is a valuable tool for managing anger and promoting overall well-being. Physical activity helps release pent-up energy and tension. 

It provides numerous mental health benefits that help regulate emotions and reduce stress. 

Here’s how incorporating regular exercise into your routine can help manage anger effectively:

  • Release of Endorphins: Physical activity stimulates the release of endorphins, chemicals in the brain that act as natural mood lifters, promoting happiness and relaxation.
  • Reduction of Stress Hormones: Exercise reduces the production of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, decreasing feelings of tension and anxiety.
  • Improvement of Sleep Quality: Regular exercise can improve sleep quality, which is essential for emotional regulation and overall well-being.
  • Distraction from Negative Thoughts: Engaging in physical activity provides a healthy distraction from negative thoughts and rumination, allowing you to shift focus and gain perspective on anger-provoking situations.

How to Incorporate Regular Exercise

  • Choose Activities You Enjoy: Select activities that you find enjoyable and engaging, whether it’s jogging, swimming, dancing, or practicing yoga. The key is finding activities you look forward to and can sustain over time.
  • Set Realistic Goals: Set realistic and achievable exercise goals based on your current fitness level and schedule. Start with manageable targets and gradually increase intensity and duration as you build strength and endurance.
  • Schedule Exercise Sessions: Incorporate exercise into your daily or weekly routine by scheduling dedicated time for physical activity. Treat exercise as a priority, just like any other important commitment.
  • Mix Up Your Routine: Keep your exercise routine interesting and varied by trying different activities or alternating between cardio, strength training, and flexibility exercises. Variety prevents boredom and maximizes physical benefits.
  • Find Accountability Partners: Exercise with a friend, family member, or fitness buddy to increase motivation and accountability. Having a workout partner can make exercise more enjoyable and help you stay committed to your goals.
  • Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to your body’s signals and adjust your exercise routine accordingly. Allow for rest and recovery when needed, and don’t push yourself too hard, especially if you’re tired or sore.
  • Practice Mindfulness: Use exercise to practice mindfulness by focusing on the sensations of movement and breathing. Mindful exercise can help reduce stress and promote relaxation.

Benefits of Regular Exercise

  • Improved Mood: Exercise boosts mood and reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety, promoting a more positive outlook on life.
  • Stress Reduction: Regular physical activity reduces stress levels and helps you cope more effectively with daily challenges and frustrations.
  • Increased Energy: Exercise increases energy levels and enhances overall physical fitness, which can improve resilience to stress and fatigue.
  • Better Sleep: Regular exercise promotes better sleep quality and duration, improving cognitive function and emotional regulation.

By prioritizing regular exercise in your life, you can harness its transformative power to manage anger, reduce stress, and improve overall mental and physical health. 

Whether it’s a brisk walk, a yoga class, or a workout at the gym, finding ways to stay active can contribute to a happier, healthier, and more balanced life.

10. Speak to a Therapist

speak to a therapist

Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be an invaluable resource for controlling anger and addressing underlying emotional issues.

Therapy provides a safe and confidential space to explore the root causes of anger, learn coping strategies, and develop healthier ways of expressing emotions. 

Here’s why speaking to a therapist can be beneficial and how to approach therapy effectively:

  • Professional Guidance: Therapists are trained professionals who can provide expert guidance and support for dealing with anger and related emotions.
  • Emotional Exploration: Therapy offers a supportive environment to explore the underlying emotions and experiences contributing to anger, helping you gain insight and understanding.
  • Skill Building: Therapists teach practical skills for managing anger, such as relaxation exercises, communication strategies, and cognitive restructuring.
  • Personalized Support: Therapy is tailored to your individual needs and goals, allowing for personalized treatment that addresses your unique challenges and strengths.
  • Confidentiality: Therapists adhere to strict confidentiality standards, ensuring that discussions remain private and non-judgmental.

How to Approach Therapy

  • Be Open and Honest: During therapy sessions, be open and honest about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Trust your therapist to provide non-judgmental support and guidance.
  • Participate Actively: Engage actively in therapy by completing homework assignments, practicing new skills between sessions, and sharing feedback with your therapist.
  • Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that therapy is a process that takes time and effort. Set realistic expectations for progress and be patient with yourself as you work towards your goals.
  • Communicate Effectively: Use therapy to practice communication skills and express yourself healthily and constructively.
  • Reflect and Apply Insights: Reflect on insights gained during therapy sessions and apply them to your daily life. Use therapy as a tool for personal growth and self-discovery.

Benefits of Speaking to a Therapist

  • Emotional Support: Therapists provide empathetic support and validation for your experiences, helping you feel understood and accepted.
  • Skill Development: Therapy teaches practical skills and techniques for managing anger, improving communication, and building resilience.
  • Insight and Understanding: Therapy helps you gain insight into the underlying causes of anger and develop a deeper understanding of your emotions and behaviors.
  • Improved Relationships: Addressing anger issues in therapy can improve communication, reduce conflict, and strengthen relationships with others.

By speaking to a therapist, you can gain valuable insights, learn effective coping strategies, and develop healthier ways to deal with anger.

Therapy offers a supportive and non-judgmental space to explore your emotions, build resilience, and create positive changes in your life.

Conclusion

Throughout this blog, we’ve explored 10 effective techniques for controlling your anger, including relaxation techniques, cognitive restructuring, and seeking support from a therapist.

By acknowledging feelings of anger, identifying triggers, and adopting constructive approaches to deal with anger, we can manage conflicts more effectively and cultivate healthier relationships.

These strategies not only help in addressing anger constructively but also promote emotional intelligence and improved interpersonal dynamics, leading to more positive interactions in our daily lives.

Enrolling in online anger management classes can be a proactive step toward developing effective coping strategies and gaining valuable insights.

With patience, practice, and a willingness to grow, we can manage anger more effectively and create more fulfilling relationships and lives.

Carlos-Todd-PhD-LCMHC
Carlos Todd PhD LCMHC

Dr. Carlos Todd PhD LCMHC specializes in anger management, family conflict resolution, marital and premarital conflict resolution. His extensive knowledge in the field of anger management may enable you to use his tested methods to deal with your anger issues.

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