7 Ways to Deal with Your Anger after a Breakup
Nobody walks into a relationship or marriage thinking it will fail. Yet, many people experience this tragic fate. Some relationships end in a breakup while some marriages meet a rough divorce.
They say love and hate are the two sides of the same coin. It only takes some unfateful event for all the immense love you gave to a person to change into hate. Often, this happens because you are not able to process the sadness and heartbreak.
Hence, your hurt turns into anger so you could protect yourself from the pain. If this anger does not get an appropriate outlet and you let it simmer inside you, it could cause great havoc.
Being perpetually angry helps no one. It not only makes your mind a prison for yourself, but it also begins to slowly and gradually affect your physical health. Therefore, you must actively take anger management steps and seek ways to let go of anger after a breakup.
In this blog, we will tell you some tried and tested ways to deal with your anger after a breakup.
When Does Heartbreak Turn into Anger?
When a breakup happens, it is not just your ex-partner who leaves. Your hopes, dreams, and goals that you both had together created that you give up on. It is also their family and the people in their circle that you liked.
It is also the person that you were with them, and the person you thought you would become with them. It is all the places you hoped you would visit with them. All that… Gone.
So, it is only natural to feel despair and to be furious about all the precious things you lost.
Grief is only one of the stages and let me tell you, it will get worse before it gets better. But the thing is: it Will get better.
When you know the cause of anger, you can actively engage in overcoming it. Let’s now look at some of the ways in which you can manage anger after a breakup and move toward acceptance.
7 Ways to Manage Anger After a Breakup
Here are some of the things that you can do to overcome anger after a breakup:
- Let Go of Things from the Past
- Avoid Self-Blame
- Forgive Without An Apology
- Don’t Try Being Friends
- Engage in Physical Activities
- Talk with your Family, Friend, or a Counselor
- Opt for an Anger Management Course
1. Let Go of Things from the Past
Yes, before you would come at us to smack us on our heads: we know, it’s easier said than done.
You try and try some more to stop thinking about the past and to let bygones be bygones, but still, your ex and the time you spent with them come to haunt you like a persistent nightmare.
You would do anything to empty your mind of these memories, but you don’t know how to. Well, try to give yourself a time limit. When you notice yourself going into the spiral of grieving over past memories, tell yourself you are going to be sad about it for only three minutes.
After this self-imposed deadline, go about your business. Do the chores you have to do. Go iron those clothes or empty the dishwasher. Do what needs to be done. You will have to force yourself at first, but then you will get better at it. We are not making this up. Try it.
2. Avoid Self-Blame
It’s easy to get caught in the vicious, never-ending cycle of self-blame. Even After you have gotten out of the phase of denial, you still crave the sense of normalcy you had. You miss your ex’s presence and the person you were with them.
So, you regret and ruminate. You begin to think of all the “what-ifs.” You think if only I had done this, this would not have happened. If only I had not done this, we would still have been together. When the truth is, you did everything that seemed right to you at the moment.
Nothing could change the course of things. Were you two meant to be together, you would have still been together. It’s easier said than done, but relieve yourself from the shackles of self-blame and doubt or you won’t be able to get on to the road of acceptance and recovery.
3. Forgive Without An Apology
Often, we wait for an apology after a breakup. Even if we don’t say it, it’s there somewhere in the back of our minds. We hope that our ex and we bump into each other on the road, and they will offer an apology. Or we will get up one morning and there would be that text message saying they are sorry, and perhaps everything could go back to normal.
Even if it does not, you will still be able to finally accept you were wronged and then move on. Why? Why do you need an apology? If your partner cheated on you or hurt you, then why do you need their apology to validate your hurt?
Respect your emotions. Feel the hurt and pain. And then forgive without an apology. Do it for yourself. For your peace of mind. Let your mind free of the hurt from the past. Begin your healing and recovery. You owe that to yourself.
4. Don’t Try Being Friends
Don’t fall into the expectation of remaining friends if you know you can’t. Some people apparently end things on a good note, while for others it is as worst as it could get. After having a terrible fallout, you don’t have to continue following each other on social media.
You should break all ties if your relationship was abusive or your ex-partner did horrible things to you. Don’t think that you will “look mature” if you could pretend to be unbothered and continue following each other on social media. That’s not important.
What is important is that you need space and time to stop being bitter after a breakup. And if pictures and recent updates of your ex keep popping up every time you open social media, then that won’t happen. Unfollow from online platforms and stop keeping tabs on them offline through mutual friends.
5. Engage in Physical Activities
Have you noticed how after a breakup in movies, the protagonists are shown either running with the wind or in a boxing ring, blowing off their hurt and anger? Well, what if we tell you it works?
Not only does physical activity engage your mind in doing something productive, but it also releases serotonin and endorphins that uplift your mood. Even if you want to sulk and be upset, exercising won’t allow you to do that. You are guaranteed to feel better.
So, engage in physical activity to cool off your anger and lighten your mood. You can opt for exercises to control anger according to your preference and mood. What would you like to do? Running? Swimming? Boxing? Or exercise like Zumba or Pilates?
6. Talk with your Family, Friend, or a Counselor
After a breakup, we often tend to bottle up our emotions. Some of it is the embarrassment that you feel. Do you think what would others think? That you seemed so happy and yet you could not make it work out? People would think you’re a failure and you will end up alone.
Guess what? None of your loved ones think that way. They know you are a wonderful human being who deserves to be treated right. And if that did not happen yet, too bad. But it WILL happen. And you just have to overcome the hiccups that come your way.
So, it is best to not let your emotions bottled up. Speak up. Talk to your mom if you are close to them. Or your best friend or your roommate. Maybe a stranger on an online platform if you don’t want any judgment.
Best to seek a counselor who specializes in heartbreaks and breakups. Not only they will listen to you without passing any judgment, but they will also help you learn tips and tricks to express and overcome your anger.
7. Opt for An Anger Management Course
If you let anger simmer for long, it will not only absolutely ruin your mental peace, but it will also cause havoc to your body. Being upset releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol in your body. A constant high level of these hormones in your body can cause digestive and gastrointestinal issues and other health problems.
If you are not able to ease off and express your anger, you should better take an online anger management class. It offers great insight and a whole lot of effective ways to appropriately manage your anger after a breakup.
Here, if you are interested, you should check out some of the courses we offer. You could look into the 4-hour, 8-hour, 12-hour, or even the extensive 52-hour long courses, whichever you find convenient. You can look at the whole list of courses we offer.
Conclusion
Nobody walks into a relationship or marriage thinking it will end up in a breakup or divorce. Yet, the sad state of affairs is that it happens more often than we would like to think. We hope that you found this blog helpful if you are one of the individuals who are struggling with this and failing to overcome hurt and control anger after a breakup.
Allow yourself time to heal, but also take conscious steps to let go of anger after the breakup. If you want to take the most important top three things from this article, we suggest that you forgive without an apology and use your time productively by engaging in physical activities and enrolling in an online anger management class.
Dr. Carlos Todd PhD LCMHC specializes in anger management, family conflict resolution, marital and premarital conflict resolution. His extensive knowledge in the field of anger management may enable you to use his tested methods to deal with your anger issues.
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